Something is Afoot

I should be fixing up the aborted post that somehow went out this morning . . . but I am having a stubborn attack about finishing a piece of art that keeps wrestling with me. We’ve been tussling for weeks now. I don’t know if I like it. I only know we can’t leave each other alone, this piece and I.

And here I am, a menopausal woman writing poems about ovum and hope for fertilization. This is not a literal hope, I assure you. I am doing this for yet another art project that I love fiercely but which I cannot share because there has been some interest expressed in publishing it (as an article). So I feel caught, and restless. I sense changes going on in my psyche, a groping for clarity, and a build up of energy that will launch as soon as a direction is set ~ a direction only I can and must determine.

No, I have not “lost it.” I am simply trying to locate an important needle in a big haystack of seeming “obligations.” (I guess I have lost it.)

I will have to sit with this. Write it out. Ask for dreams and guidance. Pay attention to what is trying to burst forth.

I just went through an experience where I felt I gave some of my power away and I don’t like the sensation of diminishment it proffered. A new resolve to be fully myself, to refuse to measure how I am performing by charts I did not compose, and standards that are outwardly imposed, has been implanted within. The wild child is kicking.

Playing safe is not the way I intend to spend my second half of life. I shall continue to live largely and dream expansively, and run like a cheetah when I sense any limitations being imposed. Or, I’ll simply stand, feet firmly placed, and give the limitations their proper due, which is an absolute and utter lack of consideration.

Oh yes, something is afoot . . . and I want it to catch me.

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About CarolWiebe

Art entices, inspires, and delights me. Art is a vehicle for laughter, tears, wonder, enlightenment--taking me on a constant path of discovery. You can't say that about housework (except, perhaps, for the crying part).
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5 Responses to Something is Afoot

  1. tammy vitale says:

    Great post! Boy do I know these feelings! (but not lately, thank goodness. I’ve been given a momentary reprieve).

    Not your wild child – your Wise Woman. Good for you. What a great visual: you standing there with arms crossed waiting to see what’s chasing you!

    You go, Girl!

  2. Dayna says:

    Thanks for your honesty, vulnerability, and authenticity in your post. I know the feelings you describe and you have beautifully put feelings into words.

  3. barb says:

    whew, can i feel your energy, and all the way from across the country. you have just given me my new inspirational code – this one is going on my vision chart! thanks.

  4. carolwiebe says:

    Tammy, Dayna, Barb . . . thanks so much for your words of encouragement.

  5. I can so relate to that internal tug-of-war. But I know the ‘wild chick’ in you will win the struggle. I hope things are better.

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